Thursday 11 June 2020

11th June 2020 (EN)

(A Small sharing moment straight from my diary!)

What a day today!

I was discharged from the Mental Health team, The Sutton Uplift programme helped me so much and I felt some nostalgic feeling arising saying goodbye to Sabrina.

It has been such a Journey.

Learning how to live alone, how to deal with by myself without my usual support group. Today, I enjoy time with myself, my brain is so much quieter nowadays, I kind of finally learnt how to listen to what I say, to think before talking, I feel so much calmer than I used to feel.

I used to love others before me and seek validation for everything from everybody, today I allow myself to be and feel, everything is so much normal because I accept the journey, I validate myself now!

I allow myself to be me, to say precisely what I want to say, maybe in a more assertive way, but still, what I feel when I feel, I don't overthink anymore, I just deal with the consequences when they came along, and if the person that I do it to can't deal with me being me, well, that's really their own problem.

When I found myself having a less great day, O do allow it to happen, without punishing me, I don't beat myself with anything, everything is ok, every reaction is the best I could do in that precise moment, so it's fine, I learn with it and I carry on. I have some days that I need the flat to look spotless and others that if I don't do the laundry is fine as well. 

I love the life I'm building, I'm in control of my destiny and I'm getting in control of everything, yes it's hard, yes I am alone, the thought of it used to scare the shit out of me, but today I'm happy with it.

If I miss the past, I do, course, I lived a lot, with an amazing person, that always had my back and besides everything was my best friend, I will never forget and I will forever keep the best and only the best. It was a brilliant life. 

But my life is brilliant in a different way, life had to take it's course, living by myself it was and it is a most needed adventure to appreciate myself and to gain self-love and self-respect. TO GROW, really!

I'm so much stronger than I ever realized. 

I will probably fall in love again one day, but today I love myself, I have my own back and I'm my best friend, I need to enjoy the most of it, The World is so Full of Adventures!

Sabrina told me today that I just learnt how to ride the bike around the garden but to get in full control of the bike I needed to keep practising. And I will carry on with my good work!

If I had the choice of going back again, knowing what I know today I would probably do it all again in the same way, because the journey brought me just like I am to the day of today.

I do know that life has the most amazing things for me to live, whatever it's supposed to be mine, it will be mine, I'm just going with the flow, living lighter and brighter.

"Best Wishes, 
Warmest Regards"
Schitt$ Creek

BTW did you saw Schitt$ Creek on Netflix??? IT'S JUST AMAZING!

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